The Ex-Syndrome- Letting Go (Part 2)

Getting over an ex- now that's a hell of a quandary. Whoever said moving on was easy might never have actually moved on. Moving on and letting go is never easy especially if the relationship ended on a bad note. When it comes to advice and tips on breaking free from the 'spell' of an ex lover, there seem to be a million tips and strategies out there that might actually work- or not. Talk about the all time classics; keeping your distance and hanging with your friends. They do work alright, but they aren't as potent as getting laid. I'm trying to paint a picture here; hopefully, you'll see it.

First things first; I believe in utmost brutality when it comes to getting over your ex. Secondly, there no such thing as a wrong way to get over someone. Like they say, the end justifies the means. I mean love is one crazy battle field- You just cannot afford not being merciless and brute. Think of it in terms of you being that foot soldier who is desperately trying to get to the other side of the battle field. But just when you think you're almost there, s/he drops the bomb- literally: It's over. Now that's one cold cocktail. So please don't even think of getting over that asshole subtly, because this means war! Here are four tried and tested ways to get over your ex.

1. The Bad-Mouth Fest

I'm betting you're looking at your screen like whatever is this guy talking about. Allow me... I'm talking about you using your mouth for a good cause this once- bad-mouth your ex to shreds if you can. It's time to let your friends bad-mouth her. Let them tell you what they think of her K-legs and her backside. Tell them about how you always thought Osama Bin Laden (rest his soul) had used your tub every time your ex was in the bathroom- she left a ton of pubic everywhere. If it helps, make a list of all the annoying things about her/him and read it to your friends over a keg of beer or in the salon so y'all can have a rib-cracking laugh. Oh,and don't forget how bad the sex was.

2. Exercise your 'Franchise'

Now breaking-up or being dumped comes with perks. You just have to see the bright side; you're a free bird now. That means less ex and more 'sex' (prospective hook-ups). So shave and get a new haircut or buy a new dress and wax your man-legs because tonight, your hitting the bar. I mean how difficult is it to get a fling or two? The quickest and most foolproof way to get your ex off your mind is to get someone on your mind. So feel free and be a slut if need be. Sleep around. A guy or two should do the trick. Get yourself a nice rebound to keep you distracted so you wouldn't even have the time to reminisce your ex. It's foolproof.

3. Play Dead

It's essential to avoid any form of contact with with your ex in that period where your'e so desperately trying to get over him/her. Dead men don't talk, do they? Neither can they listen or re-tweet you Twitter. Not calling an ex may prove a rather difficult task since humans are gregarious beings. It's best if you delete the hoe's number though. Keeping in touch with an ex just brings back all the familiar feelings and familiar feelings get you missing them again- that's going to hurt. So please avoid texting or calling them. And be sure to unfriend her on Facebook. You don't want to be around when she puts a new guy on her cover picture.

4. Practice Karate

Who wouldn't love envisioning a wooden board as their ex's face and breaking it?

In retrospect it's safe to say exes were sent into our lives by God-knows-who to make us better people for our next prospective partners. So please hate them passionately, but be sure to love them for all they learn you. That being said, good luck getting over that bitch.

The Ex-Syndrome - Letting Go (Part 1)

This is why we call people exes, I guess- because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. It's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. It's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. The X is a diagram of two paths.
                                                                                                  - John Green

What in heaven's name is John Green talking about? Many a time after a (usually nasty) breakup up, people just cannot let go of their former partners. They tend to do all the- seemingly right- things to get their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back. They can't stop calling and visiting their ex and they constantly try to reconcile. This is the Ex-Syndrome. It's quite a pathetic show if you ask me and yes you should ask me- I've been there. My Ex-Syndrome spanned a period of twelve months. That's right! I spent a whole damned year trying to get her to take my sorry ass back. A whole year of possibly hooking up with at least fifty-two hot chicks on a weekly basis! Now you see why the Ex-Syndrome is so pathetic?

The essential question to ask though, was why couldn't  I let go? It's not like she had a golden uterus or something. I mean she was an average looking babe with an okay personality and a really odd laugh that got me every single time, but I wasn't able to let her go till after a year of practically wasting my socio-emotional life. After reading MindBodyGreen ,I realized I wasn't ready to move on because of two reasons. Firstly, in my bid to get over her, I hadn't allowed myself to grieve to completion and secondly, I was stuck in the blame-game. I blamed  her for cheating on me and strangely, I blamed myself for allowing her to.

To every guy (or girl) who has been through the Ex-Syndrome and kept it together, I say kudos because it's such a difficult phase to go through. You might not be grasping the gravity of this so allow me to explain. It almost always begins in similar fashion; The person usually cannot accept the fact that their partner wants a breakup. S/He can't do this because they feel that decision rest solely on them so they try everything possible to re-establish their control over their partner. It begins subtly through phone calls and constant visits and pleading. The sad thing here is, more often than not, the other partner has their mind made up and is trying to move on so this doesn't work. This has to be very frustrating for the individual so he opts for a more persuasive means to get his ex to reconcile with him (ladies please be weary of sex-tapes- just saying, or you could ask Tiffany).  He may threaten her, stalk her and even use physical aggression and violence. Some people even kill their ex's pets just to get the point across. Now that's just psychotic! It's important you recognize the syndrome in its early stages and take precautionary measures.

Letting go can be a very difficult experience, especially if you weren't the party that asked to be separated. Getting over a past lover is even harder. This was the one that got away. The one that had your stomach churning with butterflies. The one that was The One, yet things never worked out. Although getting over him or her might be very difficult, it's far from impossible. Isabel Lopez puts it best in her own words: why don't you pretend the asshole just dropped dead? You can't call or write to a dead man. Put a couple of candles in front of his picture, say a few Hail Mary's, and get it over with.