The Ex-Syndrome- Letting Go (Part 2)

Getting over an ex- now that's a hell of a quandary. Whoever said moving on was easy might never have actually moved on. Moving on and letting go is never easy especially if the relationship ended on a bad note. When it comes to advice and tips on breaking free from the 'spell' of an ex lover, there seem to be a million tips and strategies out there that might actually work- or not. Talk about the all time classics; keeping your distance and hanging with your friends. They do work alright, but they aren't as potent as getting laid. I'm trying to paint a picture here; hopefully, you'll see it.

First things first; I believe in utmost brutality when it comes to getting over your ex. Secondly, there no such thing as a wrong way to get over someone. Like they say, the end justifies the means. I mean love is one crazy battle field- You just cannot afford not being merciless and brute. Think of it in terms of you being that foot soldier who is desperately trying to get to the other side of the battle field. But just when you think you're almost there, s/he drops the bomb- literally: It's over. Now that's one cold cocktail. So please don't even think of getting over that asshole subtly, because this means war! Here are four tried and tested ways to get over your ex.

1. The Bad-Mouth Fest

I'm betting you're looking at your screen like whatever is this guy talking about. Allow me... I'm talking about you using your mouth for a good cause this once- bad-mouth your ex to shreds if you can. It's time to let your friends bad-mouth her. Let them tell you what they think of her K-legs and her backside. Tell them about how you always thought Osama Bin Laden (rest his soul) had used your tub every time your ex was in the bathroom- she left a ton of pubic everywhere. If it helps, make a list of all the annoying things about her/him and read it to your friends over a keg of beer or in the salon so y'all can have a rib-cracking laugh. Oh,and don't forget how bad the sex was.

2. Exercise your 'Franchise'

Now breaking-up or being dumped comes with perks. You just have to see the bright side; you're a free bird now. That means less ex and more 'sex' (prospective hook-ups). So shave and get a new haircut or buy a new dress and wax your man-legs because tonight, your hitting the bar. I mean how difficult is it to get a fling or two? The quickest and most foolproof way to get your ex off your mind is to get someone on your mind. So feel free and be a slut if need be. Sleep around. A guy or two should do the trick. Get yourself a nice rebound to keep you distracted so you wouldn't even have the time to reminisce your ex. It's foolproof.

3. Play Dead

It's essential to avoid any form of contact with with your ex in that period where your'e so desperately trying to get over him/her. Dead men don't talk, do they? Neither can they listen or re-tweet you Twitter. Not calling an ex may prove a rather difficult task since humans are gregarious beings. It's best if you delete the hoe's number though. Keeping in touch with an ex just brings back all the familiar feelings and familiar feelings get you missing them again- that's going to hurt. So please avoid texting or calling them. And be sure to unfriend her on Facebook. You don't want to be around when she puts a new guy on her cover picture.

4. Practice Karate

Who wouldn't love envisioning a wooden board as their ex's face and breaking it?

In retrospect it's safe to say exes were sent into our lives by God-knows-who to make us better people for our next prospective partners. So please hate them passionately, but be sure to love them for all they learn you. That being said, good luck getting over that bitch.