This is why we call people exes, I guess- because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. It's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. It's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. The X is a diagram of two paths.
- John Green
What in heaven's name is John Green talking about? Many a time after a (usually nasty) breakup up, people just cannot let go of their former partners. They tend to do all the- seemingly right- things to get their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back. They can't stop calling and visiting their ex and they constantly try to reconcile. This is the Ex-Syndrome. It's quite a pathetic show if you ask me and yes you should ask me- I've been there. My Ex-Syndrome spanned a period of twelve months. That's right! I spent a whole damned year trying to get her to take my sorry ass back. A whole year of possibly hooking up with at least fifty-two hot chicks on a weekly basis! Now you see why the Ex-Syndrome is so pathetic?
The essential question to ask though, was why couldn't I let go? It's not like she had a golden uterus or something. I mean she was an average looking babe with an okay personality and a really odd laugh that got me every single time, but I wasn't able to let her go till after a year of practically wasting my socio-emotional life. After reading MindBodyGreen ,I realized I wasn't ready to move on because of two reasons. Firstly, in my bid to get over her, I hadn't allowed myself to grieve to completion and secondly, I was stuck in the blame-game. I blamed her for cheating on me and strangely, I blamed myself for allowing her to.
To every guy (or girl) who has been through the Ex-Syndrome and kept it together, I say kudos because it's such a difficult phase to go through. You might not be grasping the gravity of this so allow me to explain. It almost always begins in similar fashion; The person usually cannot accept the fact that their partner wants a breakup. S/He can't do this because they feel that decision rest solely on them so they try everything possible to re-establish their control over their partner. It begins subtly through phone calls and constant visits and pleading. The sad thing here is, more often than not, the other partner has their mind made up and is trying to move on so this doesn't work. This has to be very frustrating for the individual so he opts for a more persuasive means to get his ex to reconcile with him (ladies please be weary of sex-tapes- just saying, or you could ask Tiffany). He may threaten her, stalk her and even use physical aggression and violence. Some people even kill their ex's pets just to get the point across. Now that's just psychotic! It's important you recognize the syndrome in its early stages and take precautionary measures.
Letting go can be a very difficult experience, especially if you weren't the party that asked to be separated. Getting over a past lover is even harder. This was the one that got away. The one that had your stomach churning with butterflies. The one that was The One, yet things never worked out. Although getting over him or her might be very difficult, it's far from impossible. Isabel Lopez puts it best in her own words: why don't you pretend the asshole just dropped dead? You can't call or write to a dead man. Put a couple of candles in front of his picture, say a few Hail Mary's, and get it over with.
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