Dear Constantine...

It's been over two years but somehow the memory of you seems like it was only yesterday's. I'm wondering where you might be and what you'd probably be doing. I am sitting behind my laptop making my second blog entry and I'm hoping you'd stumble across this post- though I seriously doubt you would. I'm also not surprised you never replied my messages on Facebook. I probably deserve it. I'm an ass.

If someone had told me earlier that I have a thing for plus-sized women, I'd probably have dismissed such a comment and called the commenter an irritable fool. But you! You revolutionized my cravings and feelings. It seemed pretty fucked-up back then, but in retrospect, fucked-up was so damn good. So good that I still crave for women of your stature. Sadly none seem capable of being you Constantine. I still crave you.

Our infatuation although short-lived, seemed like a millennium's  romance in this little pouch of dirt they call my heart. Technically we were never a couple. But who had to follow technicalities when all that mattered to us was the oneness of our hearts and the euphoria in our minds. I could almost swear I 'almost' loved you. Not because of your looks; because your looks according to my colleagues, were nothing to fancy; but because I felt connected to you in ways more psychic than physical. Its just sad dysphoria had to set in.

Sometimes I wonder if you had that Bipolar thing going on. I mean some days you'd pamper me as though I was a new-born and before I could say 'fuck', you'd treat my sluggard ass like some ex-convict. It's sad just thinking about it. I'm not laying all the blame on you though. Like I stated earlier, I'm an ass. I think my ego got the best of me. I think.

People say love goes where love is. I say love goes where hate is. We had a love-hate thing going on. It's so crazy how often we had issues. Damn girl you were so complicated I needed a manual to be able to link-up your thoughts and properly discern them! It was almost as if you had your period every fucking day for every day we were 'together'. Now that's fucked up and fucked-up was so damn good at the time. For the record, I pretty much called you a bitch most times. You were my fat bitch and I was so into you, I almost loved you.

Remember how your brothers never liked me? Well I didn't like them either; not even the straight one. But I liked you Constantine. I really did and I still do- I like-hate you. Its a pity things had to end the way they did. Sometimes I just wish I could go back in time just to see the look on your face the very first time we met in person.That was some Marilyn Monroe sexy-ass look you gave me. But the past is past. We're both living out the present, with you probably more into future. I'm just glad a psycho like you was a part of my life, though I can't say you probably feel the same way about me. Hopefully fate will pull us farther apart.

Yours truly,

Me.